The No Jerk Rule
Be quick in identifying the people who spoil a workplace and find a way around them to survive in an organization. They are the people who try to make other people worthless. They consider themselves superior and everyone else inferior to them. They never hesitate to backbite and make negative remarks about others. They do damage to the company but quite often go undetected for a long time.
They pretend to work 24x7 and pretend to be concerned about work like no one else does, and they create fake emergencies and generate huge volumes of unnecessary work.
Victims of bullies/jerks lose their creativity and problem-solving skills and indulge in laborious mechanical tasks as a reprieve. People spend more hours in the office, but productivity lags. People will be afraid of asking questions, fearing retaliation and ridicule.
Very soon, the work environment turns toxic. Jerks create and promote many people who are like them and gradually establish total grip. They weed out all those who do not fall in line. Not even a single person who can think independently will remain. An entire system full of them can be catastrophic for the company.
Mast companies will have checks and balances so that the damage done by jerks is not total, and they get detected at some stage. But the company would have suffered by then, and it takes a long time to undo the damage.
Who is a jerk?
It is not too hard to detect a jerk. Observe the following symptoms. Some consider themselves to be number one. They have no respect for the person. If they respect anything, it is only the position and the authority. They put other's ideas into the dustbin even before considering them. They have no consideration for others' personal space or personal wellbeing. For them, working 24x7 is a convenient excuse to bully others. They consider it normal and acceptable to be disrespectful to others as they are supposedly concerned only about tasks and not people. They do not give any advance indication of what is coming next. Everything is a surprise for the people who are dealing with them.
Jerks have been a part of every civilizational failure; dysfunctional families, organizations, nations, etc.
In social life, it is easy to notice a jark because of their xenophobic views. They have a strong suspicion about the people different from them, and they anticipate danger from everyone. They never hold back in saying they are supreme to others and that they demand higher privileges. They want to impose their views and their ways of life.
They have a skewed vision of history and events. They cherrypick what is convenient for them. They refuse to accept any views which are different from theirs. They see we vs. they in everything, assume offense in others' behavior, make rash statements, behave rashly, are the telltale signs of the above traits. They abhor feedback. They do not want anyone to disagree with them.
Someone manifests as a jerk before converting to a full-fledged a*****e. That guy looks very competitive at work and very humble and pleasing to the authorities/management. Gradually they aim to become the face of the team. They start taking credit for other's work, and the people who try to resist fear becoming scapegoats. First, they put down others, and then they destroy others.
Why do they go undetected for long?
They have an uncanny talent for attacking others' self-esteem. They convince everyone that they are right and others are wrong. Not just that, they believe that only they are right. They have convinced themselves regarding the same. They come down severely on the people who criticize them. Any criticism of them can turn into a crime. Very often, you may have seen this in politics. Color criticism of someone as criticism of a tribe and community, effectively bullying people into silence. The bully/jerk/a*****e will convince everyone that they are required to be harsh. According to them, to be what they are is their right. They are the ones with so much responsibility, and so they need to control everything. There is a convenient loop between responsibility and control.
The other reason is, we very often assume that things are fine because they are working for now. The jerk may deliver better results in the short run.
The way it begins and ends
High-handed dealings
A gradual shift from a democratic to authoritarian setup starts with a few high-handed dealings. PR runs around the leader. The leader is the most eminent among all, and all members must follow and comply. Anyone who does not will face coercion. Demanding uniformity will look purposeful in the short run but leads to the gradual erosion of diversity.
Confirmation bias
The leader is gradually larger than life. Any variance with the extolled epitome is a great sin. And so most people will learn to comply, and there comes an artificial bliss of conference.
Lack of direction
Authoretarionship finally leads to a lack of direction. Even a nuclear family can't always wait for instructions from a patriarch. Someone doing the work has to be really in charge of it. You can't make appropriate decisions while executing a job, and you are finally rudderless. Innovation will lag. Centralized decision-making will take away the incentives of doing things better. You may be high up the management ladder and still can't make decisions for your projects.
Possibility of fraud
The cult surrounding a person can allow him to conduct fraud, and the company can face lawsuits and financial scandals.
Lack of trust
Authoritarians are the most insecure people. They never groom successors. They will never allow an alternate command system. If they fall, the company/organization/nation falls with them.
Wishful thinking
Dictators believe in utopia. They have wishful thinking. They do not see themselves as villains but see themselves as having manifested to change the world.
Gradual or sudden fall
An authoritarian leader may have made things very inefficient by making everyone wait for their approval. But worse follows their demise or exit. Populations will deeply mourn when the terrible leader is no more. The people are forced to venerate the authoritarian head of the state. You risk demotion to become a noncitizen if you do not comply. The system collapses with the exit of such a leader. The leader, or their family, or the party was the system, and there is no system in place without them. There is no succession, and the system comes to an end with them. A non-democratic setup causes complete collapse when it ceases to exist. Dictators will take down an organization or a nation with them. The only choices for the people are to lose, losing more, or losing everything.
What a company should do
You are grateful to have efficient and hardworking people in your company, but banking on a few star performers is never a healthy option. Have a robust system in place than bank on a few individuals to deliver results. Never allow anyone to take lenience with their conduct. Have a feedback mechanism. Do not allow the feedback mechanism to become an eyewash, and do not allow retaliation.
Save yourself from becoming a jerk
Have a feedback mechanism. Most companies implemented 360-degree appraisal systems in the past. This system seems to assume that the manager is the bully, but the devil may be someone else. It is better to find out and reward the most liked colleague at the workplace. Try to filter out the bullies in the hiring process itself. A bully never leaves the company before doing enough damage.
Things must be changing for the better if you have climbed up the ladder with all your hard work. If you have few friends, are grumpier and complaining, are less tolerant to others' mistakes, and overall less happy after all these years of hard work, and you have less goodwill and lesser people like you, it means you are losing and not gaining with all the efforts that you have put.
Allow people to express themselves. Very often, parents suppress creativity in their children by trying to put them into some particular mold. Respect other's personal space; God has created each person with a unique personality. Empower people to make their own decisions. It is not required to babysit anyone. People do err sometimes and learn from their mistakes. It is more important to respect a person than to love a person. Very often, the families fall apart not because of the lack of love for each other. People in a family fall apart because of not getting an individual choice. Assuming what is good for others leads to treating people like pets. Pets can be comfortable with it, but humans do not. You can make decisions for infants and not for anybody older.
Someone who is a bully is not necessarily a villain but is out of touch with reality and lives in an ivory tower with some egoistic assumptions and discounts others' feelings.
Come out of this vice. Listening is the most important than talking. Allow the junior-most members in your team/family to speak. Good ideas can come from anyone. Give honest feedback. Appreciate good work. If some work does not turn out well, give appropriate feedback without blaming the people who handled it.
Resist the urge to react negatively
Negative behaviors always have ripple effects around the people who are perpetrating them. People very often end up becoming the very same people they despise. You come across a rash driver on the road, and you react the same way and end up having a bad day. We have no choice but to learn to tolerate some incompetency and bad behavior. It doesn't mean to encourage but to guard yourself against them by keeping your distance. Save your day by ignoring the irritant. You bump upon a driver who overtakes rudely and again makes a rude gesture and swears or yells at you. Only a fool thinks that he is smarter than everyone else. Do yourself a favor by ignoring such people.
The more you are purposeful, the less you react under such circumstances. You can choose to think that the person on the other side lacks training and education or is very unhappy with oneself. By responding to their ways, you end up making yourself the same. For example, you were going to meet an important client, and you bumped into somebody like this. There is a higher chance that you ignore the offender more than you often do.
Tolerate others mistakes
People of class and great upbringing do tolerate others' mistakes. A minor inadvertent incident may not bring down the system. The system does not have the correct checks and balances if somebody's mistake can cause such havoc.
A colleague of mine once narrated an incident from when he was a junior. He was into testing, and his manager asked him to do some configurations on a machine that he had never done before. My colleague then was scared that he may commit some mistakes. His cool-headed boss explained to him that even his worst mistake is not going to down the system.
Many years have passed since then, and he is a very confident and sought for engineer now. But he remains grateful to his then-boss for giving him that level of confidence.
Avoid self-praise
Men commit some blunders and end up having fewer friends. We are anxious to tell people how successful we are and talk about the money we made and the properties we earned. Many alumni meet / old friends meet turn into this discussion, and we have miffed a few of our friends by the end of this conversation. Everyone wants to be successful, but it is equally important to remain modest. Exercise modesty in your political opinions as well. Even regular politicians are often good friends with people in the opposition. Ask any seasoned politician; clever politicians have more friends in the opposition than in their party. We meet friends for good times together and not for raging debates. You want people to acknowledge your success, knowledge, and skills. But being loud about it will serve the opposite purpose. If you do not want people to pick the negatives in you, remain modest and ground to earth.
Get a few notches down to connect with people, and it will only increase your stature and will not decrease it. Your respect and influence grow with being accessible and friendly. You may have skipped your alumni meet for ten years in a row, but you will come back with more friends in your eleventh-year visit than the people attending the event every year if you have that kind of grace and etiquette. The way you treat people forms an impression that will remain for a lifetime. You are a buddy for even those with who you could not keep in touch. A few brief interactions can create such bonds if you stand out with empathy and concern for people.
Even today, I do not know the political opinion of my best friend because we never even once talked on that topic. We have been friends for a very long; spanning from childhood, school days, and the career beginning. We never allowed space for egos, and so the relationship has survived. And this rule applies to every relationship and every bond.
Know who are your partners
The ones who are your partners with who you need to collaborate are the most important people. In traditional agricultural communities in India, formers still use bulls to till the land. Bulls and cows, and other livestock forms a part of the household. They are members of the house in every sense. The animal can't speak, but you need to understand when the bull used for tilling the land I tired and needs food and rest.
The same thing applies to human beings as well. Know who your partners are. Consider their needs and treat them with respect. There is trust, gratitude, and mutual respect in good relationships. Everyone should have some fun while working together. Eat together with your team at least once in a while, if not every day. Forgetting to acknowledge good work is a lost opportunity. People need some personalized motivation.
You will need only the best around you
Industrial automation is not a new thing. Science and technology have evolved faster in the last 50 years, but industrial automation has been going on for a couple of centuries. Machines will take over some of the work that humans do currently, but it creates many newer and sophisticated opportunities. Dependency on people will only increase and not decrease. The need for having purposeful and motivated people around you is never going to change. Unlike a few centuries ago and till very recently and to some extent even now, you will not need people to do menial work with advanced technology, increasing the need for having better-motivated people. Your expectations from people will increase in proportion to expectations from technology, and you will need only the best around you. That also means you need to nourish the best talent and reward them accordingly. You can't avoid investing in relationships.
Changing technology and better access to education will automatically create pressure for better treatment of people. Having better-engaged people will justify the investment in human resources. Best ROI (Return On Investment) will happen if you have the best people around you.
Never embarrass people
Embarrassing people will cost you their trust and loyalty. People get defensive when you embarrass them and will try their hardest to defend what they are doing. People's behavior is not likely to improve after they face embarrassment. They end up getting demotivated and sink into a shell.
Embarrassing someone is aggression. Give a message in private if it is less likely to embarrass someone and maintain the confidentiality of the communication. People who enjoy working with you will be your most productive team members.
Aim to make someone happy
We experimented with giving anonymous gifts at the workplace. Everyone will anonymously gift someone in the team. It makes everyone feel valued, and it is among the cherished memories. Each of us is unique and special, and nothing can amplify this feeling more than a thoughtful gift. And the anonymous presents are even more kind and sensitive.
You do not need an occasion to get a coffee for a colleague. Get some sweets, chocolates, or some delicacies that you have cooked yourself. You can win the hearts of people through their mouths.
People know how to do their work
You hire someone skilled and talented. It is required to believe the person will be able to execute their tasks without your assistance. People with lesser experience will need occasional guidance from you, but ultimately each person needs to grow up to be independent. You can't be in the mentoring role for someone for too long. It is akin to parents guiding their children who are already in their '50s.
People are not perfect
People are not perfect, and also they do not need to be. Do not look for all people to fall into some regular mold. People with the diversified background will only help the workplace. It is healthy to have a multi-cultural team with a good gender ratio. People can have different social, economic, and educational backgrounds. A cohesive team that accepts each other for whatever they are.
Respect others' sentiments
Respect others' sentiments even if you do not understand them. You will be surprised to know that people so often make decisions based on their emotions. The human being is not going to be a rational creature even in a very advanced civilization.
Sentiments and feelings are attached to people's identity. If someone is a communist, let him remain a communist as long as he does not harm you. The sensibilities of people can change with time, and it applies to oneself as well. An average human being does change their views during their lifetime. You meet with resistance when you try to change someone's views because it is perceived to be an effort to change their identity.
I have changed my views not with any deliberate effort, but it is a gradual change, and no one but myself has any control over it. I have been everything, including communist and socialist. I have this liberty, and this liberty applies to others as much as it applies to me.
Respect the language, culture, and religion of others. Everything will go through a gradual transformation. They will be considerably different a hundred years later, but let it be gradual and not sudden.
Visualize yourself to be a business owner
Visualize yourself to be a business owner and encourage everyone for the same. A family or a team is an enterprise, and all members are individual owners of an enterprise within. Do not try to put yourself in charge of anybody else's life. Even your family members need to manage their careers and finances independently.
You become what you tell yourself
You become what you tell yourself, and the same applies to everyone. Do not expect your son or daughter to grow up to be a confident, socially engaged, and productive individual if you were telling them all the while that they are dumb. People often end up following some primitive instinct in the way they treat their family members. In olden times, you established control over others by attacking their self-esteem. It was a necessity in those times as life used to be very hard. You will find it necessary that your family members and the members of your clan obey you without asking any questions. Such things are not in vogue now. Give people positive motivation to help them do well in life.
Keep an open mind
Keep an open mind while working with new ideas. Many great ideas were derided and ridiculed in their infancy. A new idea may be flawed and imperfect to some extent and will require a lot of work to bring it to good shape. Avoid harsh criticism and outright rejection of anybody's ideas.
Any new idea that may have some benefit must be thoroughly wetted. Ask its proponent to prepare a detailed proof of concept (POC) and make a presentation to the team based on it. The person who came up with the idea will feel a sense of ownership, and also it will help uncover all the possibilities.
Accept slow change
You have changed your thinking on something does not mean everyone must change their thinking. You may have a brilliant idea, but do not expect instant acceptance for the same. Change is always gradual. Slow adoption to change is good in many ways. It gives time for ideas to mature and reduces the scope for mistakes.
Bring the best out of yourself and also others
- People thrive when they have their own space
- Hire the people who are better than you and trust them
- Associate with people who are better than you to become smarter
If you have achieved more in life, you need to be a happy person and not a grumpy person.
Research and literature
Stanford professor Robert I. Sutton authored the book - The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't
He initially wrote an essay for the Harvard Business Review, published in the breakthrough ideas for 2004. Following this, he received more than a thousand emails and testimonies. Among other reasons disclosed in another article published at the Harvard Business Review, it led him to write the book. The book sold over 115,000 copies and won the Quill Award for best business book in 2007. - source Wikipedia
Title image source: https://www.ttbook.org/interview/robert-sutton-no-asshole-rule
The ability to learn is the key to survival. We can learn faster by learning from each other.
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